Sunday, 6 April 2014

Real Talk: Is there too much news?

Seriously, I can't keep up with anything these days. Trying to find time outside of work to socialise, write my book, music, this incessant blog is too exhausting. Filtering out necessary information from articles has simply become a task so impossible that I literally have no idea what's happening anymore - even in my own life. On some nights I return home, put my feet up and ask myself, 'what did I do today?' and try to list things off.

'Well, my dear,' I say to myself affectionately, 'you probably woke up.' This is a given. 'Soon after, you made yourself cereal, the indicator being the bowl next to the sink in the kitchen, which also evidence that you didn't wash up. And apart from work, I guess that you did little else but drink tea and what you believe to be writing.' Thus failing to make arse nor tail of my day. This confusion is furthered by the fact that I fail to make arse nor tail of the World's day.

Nonsense aside, with such collosal news stories as the Crimean disrepute, the Malaysian airline mystery and the Alan Pardew crisis* churning out mountains of information from speculated facts to fabrication passed down the grapevine - let alone completely unrelated splooge - it is difficult to get an idea as to where to begin reading. Give me facts not a load of spruced up coincidence, convincing at a stretch!

Could you possibly imagine the news as told by
Gary Linekerwith special guest analyst Paul
Gascoigne? Compelling to say the least...
For this reason, I propose a news service that sifts through it all - every story, plausible opinion, comment, remark, youtube autotune parody - and just give us squirming trogs a quick summary of what the hell is happening. A bit like a Match of the Day, only for news. A play-by-play of the day's happenings that cuts the crap and gives us digestible chunks of intelligible, tasty mouthfuls of fact. In my naivety, I am guessing that this service already exists somewhere (logically, it must) and, in my juvenile haste, have overlooked it. If so, I urge that you not read on and humour me for I do not need the encouragement.

In summary, with the mass media being more vast than ever, and showing no signs of decreasing its rate of expansion, there should be a more condensed and convenient service for those too lazy to read through the swamp of news that, nearly literally, relates every issue of every day to everything that has ever happened. The Internet is becoming too big and invaluable for its own good - and I am too lazy to use it properly.

Song of the moment:

*This is really not worth knowing about. The less you know, the better.

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